yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
