Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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