3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize