if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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