i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize