lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
