Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
