I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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