i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize