thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
