well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
