My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Shame - the story of my life.
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