i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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