just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
