I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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