OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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