my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
