so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
