I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
