Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
