No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
