I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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