Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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