I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
