Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
