i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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