we have officially lost it.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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