overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
