Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
