went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
