im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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