The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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