Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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