she woke up with a sticky ear
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
