I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
