he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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