Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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