Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
