Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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