She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
