The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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