I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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