some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
