I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
