I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
