I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
