oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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