I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
