god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
