my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize