All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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