do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
