Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize