its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
