Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
