im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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