A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
